Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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