the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
