How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
