Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
