I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
