Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
There was a lot of him and a little penis
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
