My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
i think im in europe. pls send help
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