It's a beautiful day for a hangover
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
