I just made out with a guy for $7.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
