How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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