Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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