Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Randomize
