Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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