where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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