Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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