Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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