i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Randomize
