I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
she peed on how many people?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
