you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
