you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
