I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
