I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
