dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
