He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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