the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
