I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
