last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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