PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
