everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
