Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
