I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
