i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Just pee around me
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
