I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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