i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
