i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
