I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Randomize
