is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
