So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
