i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
