We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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