You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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