There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Randomize
