New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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