when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
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