we're chasing vodka with high fives
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
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