Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
The police scanner is talking about you again....
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I think I sprained my soul last night
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
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