I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
