just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
