I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize