yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
