Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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