Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
