Your face is a jimmy john
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
