is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
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Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
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He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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