You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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