If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
