The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
