Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
