My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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