I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
She just used a chaser for red wine.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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