my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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