Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
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she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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