You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
