"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
