The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
