Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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