Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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