Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Randomize
