I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
