He uses pillows to masturbate.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
