you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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