Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
either way he was missing a nipple.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
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On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
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I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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