I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
