I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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