So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
