I can't breathe out the right side of my face
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
