she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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