i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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