They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
