dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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