she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
