Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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