Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
