so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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