He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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