Well douche your snatch and let's go!
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Randomize
