He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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