I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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