So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
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