Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
