you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
